Between Anthony moving back in and my month-end activities at work, I haven't been able to devote the time to research and study as I would have liked.  I have managed to do more reading from Drawing Down the Moon though.  I admit that I skipped over a lot of content in the middle.  Don't get me wrong, this book is an excellent (if a bit outdated) source for several of the different Wiccan religions out there and someday I will go back and read them just for informational purposes.  But right now, I need to find MY path and some of these, I knew without a doubt that they were not for me.  I know that I'm not gay, I know that I'm not an ultra-feminine liberalist, so anything along those lines I do not agree with for myself.  As you can see above, in the beginning of the book, I confirmed what I already knew, that if not Wiccan, then at the least the Pagan path IS with absolute certainty the right one for me.  It's like seeing my own thoughts and beliefs in print. 

So I skipped over a good bit of the center section of the book to the chapter titled Living on the Earth.  THIS is one of the things that I've been looking for.  Basically it's how neo-pagan's live their everyday lives.  How they integrate their beliefs with the world around them.

I think though, that its best if I keep some sort of running list of things that I want to research.  There is SO much out there that I don't know and I want to know it, if I don't write it down it will be easy to get caught up in what I'm currently researching and loose sight of all of the other information that I want.  So we'll start here:

•1.    The history of Ireland (the pull towards there and celtic myths is still strong, pulling me in that direction)

•2.    Native American Spirituality (it is in my blood after all)

•3.    Biddy Early (witch)

•4.    And of course the individual goddesses and gods to learn who they are

I also think that I need to start a study session of some sorts- studying and memorizing the different holidays, moon phases and when to celebrate them.  I need to learn what each one means.

/sigh, I just had yet another "discussion" with Anthony about my whole "search" for my path.  I really do understand what he's trying to say.  He's not mad at my quest for answers, but at my refusal to read the bible before anything else.  He really doesn't understand how damaging the time during his affair was in that regard.  Also, once again, this whole situation screams about how well he does not understand me at all.  I want facts.  I don't want lectures or passionate speels about "why this religion is right or wrong".  I have ZERO patience for anyone trying to sway me that way.  I will research the facts, and make my own choices.  This is something that I have failed to do for myself most of my life.  He doesn't understand that because of how he handled his affair, how he admitted that he "deliberately manipulated my personality to see only what he wanted me to see" has caused me to doubt almost EVERY aspect that I ever turned to him for guidance in.  Now I have this NEED to research everything for myself.  It is very possible that in most things, at the end, I will agree with him, there is no denying he is a very intelligent man.  But atleast I will know that I came to those decisions on my own and didn't follow him blindly.

I am a 34 year old mother of two that is just beginning her journey into Wicca.  My exact path I have not yet chosen as my research has just started.  I just know, with an amazing inner peace, that my path IS a Wiccan one.